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What does it mean to “be alone”? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary gives a few different definitions: separated from others, exclusive of anyone or anything else and considered without reference to any other.

We are going to consider the idea of being alone from the reference point of “separated from others”, though the idea of separation here does not really connote what we mean, does it? No, it is more being “without” others rather than being separated from them. Does this create a sense of discomfort for you, which would be described as loneliness?

Lonely has a completely different definition. Using Merriam-Webster again, we find: being without company, sad from being alone and producing a feeling of desolation.

So, it appears that being alone and being lonely have different means according to the standard dictionary. Yet, I would offer an independent definition for alone. Yes, it is being without physical company and yes, it is exclusive of anyone or anything else that is physical. Yet it is much more than those.

It is being in the company of I AM. It is living in a relationship with yourself to the point that you do not experience loneliness in any form because you are completely and fully at one with yourself, which is I AM.

This relationship of you with you occurs when you spend time alone, without the company of others so that you may witness, observe and survey what you are to you.

You are creating a relationship with you!  But, instead of looking in the mirror, you go out with friends, check out the singles at work, notice who pays extra attention to you at parties and might even shop on line.  Wow, that's a lot of connecting so that you can connect!

So, having thrown your fishing pole in the water, trailing the bait, you never know what you are going to catch.  One thing you can know for sure - no one is going to fill the list of expectations on your mental agenda. 

It's because you're looking for you - really – truly. Being alone allows time to find you. The person you are looking for, the divine attributes that you most want to have completed by that person are the ones that you have a hard time fulfilling for yourself.  And, since you don't believe you can realize those sacred pieces of you, you want someone else to be them for you.  Being alone is placing emphasis on the true quality you look for in others – the Self.

To arrive at any resemblance of peace and order you must first have a relationship with yourself – a real, holy, devoted involvement, an intense, personal, right down in your gut love affair with you.  After all, you are the most important person in your life, aren't you?  If you don't know how to love you, it is definitely time to learn because until you love yourself truly, first and completely, all of the connections in the world will have a missing piece and that piece is not in the other person.  No, that missing piece is simply you. 

Most people spend their lives searching for what they call their “soulmate” or “twin flame”. How easy it is to create those ideologies due to the human belief in loneliness.

In truth, no one can ever fulfill for you that which you believe you need. You are the only one who can respect yourself enough to feel that being alone is not only okay, it is also the primary aspect in which you observe and witness yourself as the One.

Isn’t that a grand thought? To realize that you are the One. That no one and nothing needs to be added to you to create a sense of completeness?

There is only you, no matter how much you might want to look outside yourself for another. Sometimes people feel that their attachment to a loved one is the fulfilling of love. Just the opposite – rather than love, it is attachment and dependency.

When you are able to be alone with yourself, know the Self and create space in your life everyday to love yourself as that Self, the desire to “not be alone” disappears because you realize that you are not ever alone. The idea of changing the word “alone” to “all one” has some appeal, yet it is another way to avoid looking at the solitary life of aloneness.

Aloneness is blessed. It can be experienced in a crowd or sitting in a room with your beloved. The aloneness reminds you that the divine nature you are is the perfect place to be in each moment. Nothing is needed. Nothing is desired. You are.

Perhaps you are already easy with yourself being alone. Or perhaps you wish you weren’t alone. In either case, check in to see how many minutes in the day you revel in your aloneness. If there is a place where you can go to be truly quiet without outside interference. Then check in with your senses.

The feelings you have in this silent aloneness acquaints you with the possibility of living alone within even if you are in a partnered relationship or spending most of your day in the midst of many people. Often it is when you are with others that you begin to realize how alone you can feel. And that is mentioned in a very positive way rather than saying, “I’m alone even in a crowd,” as though you are experiencing loneliness, which as we just mentioned above, is not the same thing at all as the aloneness we discuss today.

Bring into your life this sacred, holy awareness of being truly alone. You come into this world absolutely alone and leave this world in the same way. No matter how many people are in your life through family or friends, reveling in the awareness of you only happens when you are alone. Then, nothing is needed. Nothing is desired. You are.





We provide this material for your information. It is not intended to substitute for professional counseling and/or the advice of your primary health care provider. We encourage you to follow the directions and advice of your professional counselor and/or primary health care provider. Toni Petrinovich is not a counselor or a coach and the relationship between Toni Petrinovich and her students is of teacher/educator and student only. The mention of any product, service, or therapy is not an endorsement by Reverend Doctor Toni Petrinovich, Sacred Spaces, Sar'h Publishing, Heartstorm courses or Meta yoU School of Mastery.

-- Rev. Dr. Toni Petrinovich                            

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